The Western seems to be a genre that has a hard time being resurrected, not for lack of trying of course, and every once in a while there will be an amazing new western that’s must see, but for the most part the western is remembered fondly. There is a scene in most westerns though that focuses on wide open desolate places, and the sound track behind them has that lonely forsaken sound. That’s how I view this space… which is sad because there are reasons to write, but there are also so many things that get in the way and well it gets neglected and soon is a desolate place that has not been posted too since February. What’s amazing to me is the tinge of guilt I have felt over the past few weeks when thinking about this space and the few people who read it and have talked about how it has blessed them, or that they like what I have to say or you get the idea, and I realize that there is a connection that has been lost, one that I want to re-establish.
It is in that spirit then that I have decided to boot up Oregon Trail…(you know the game of westward expansion, that saw settlers taming the wilds.) well figuratively anyway and re-connect with myself as a writer and with those that care to read the thoughts that bang around in my head and heart.
Life has been moving at such a breakneck pace lately that I don’t really know where to start in some respects. Between church ,and home, and school, and house hunting and kids school, and planning for conferences and well the list gets longer and longer and the number of hours in the day gets smaller and smaller and the frustration that comes from all of that builds. The worst part about it is, I know this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. I know that what should be and what is are far from Gods design for how we are supposed to live. The idea that we are to take time to rest is build into scripture, just as much as the need and mandate for us to work, so why is it so hard to get the balance right? Why do I allow myself to do and do and then do some more and then get more involved. When do I say no? The answer of course is rarely. I rarely say no and sometimes when I do say that little word I say it to the wrong people.
For all my saying and knowing that there is a very real and very important God component to church change and growth, I still take everything way to personally. I still get it in my brain that I need to pick the whole thing up and carry it across the finish line. I apply that thinking to other parts of life too, actually every part of life if I’m honest. I don’t relegate God to Co-pilot status, shoot sometimes I shut the cockpit door and tell him to have a ginger-ale while I take care of things. Which tends to not just push God out but can be very isolating, and give me a false sense of importance.
So there I am, way out in front making choices, saying yes to almost everything, and no to the most important people, and all because there is a need to show people who I not only know what I’m doing, and how to get things done, but that I’m worth following. Honestly though there are many times that I’m just trying to show myself those things.
All of that rambling brings me back to the beginning of the post and the reason that I am here. When I’m writing here on at least a semi-regular basis, I find that the balance is better. I don’t know exactly why that is other than to say that for me getting things out and on the page, allows me to not only wrestle with them but to see how disconnected they are from the truths that I know and get things back in perspective.
So there you have it. The blog has been dusted off, and should be seeing more use…
Thanks for reading.