We’ve been here before…

My blog exists so that I can give people a glimpse into my mind, sometimes my heart, and of course life in general.  Five years ago I told someone who was extremely upset with me because of how ummm transparent I was in one particular post that the point was for me to be able to talk to people, and to have people know and see right where I was.  It was also a way for me to be accountable to myself and others.  If its up here it’s what I’m feeling at the moment. 

Through the years I have had people appreciate my blog, I have had people get upset at some of the things I have written,   I have even had people confront me in love when I was off base or out of line when it came to looking at the things in my life that I hated. 

I still use this blog for that purpose.  Sure sometimes it’s full of stuff that fits more in the spiritual category, sometimes I rant about family stuff, or about frustrations with working.  There are times when I’m sure people must think that I’ve just emotionally vomited all my angst onto the page… not a pretty analogy but it’s not meant to be. 

Lately I’ve been more cryptic with my online life.  What I mean is for a while I had decided to post seemingly disconnected one liners, random thoughts that ran through my brain, this was on Facebook.  I guess it bothered some people.  I also spent some time on the same social media site editing my friends list down to 100 people.  It was pretty interesting and I actually made it a personal quest to keep my friends list on Facebook to 100 people, I even considered dropping the number lower than that.  Why we do these kinds of things is always interesting.  I know that I tell myself reasons all the time for the strange social or friend related things I do, but bottom line is it many times comes down to self preservation…or is that selfishness.  Probably a little bit of both.  I want my friends to care about me on my terms, to talk to me when I want them to talk to me, to find me as important as I am, and when they don’t I punish them albeit subconsciously, and to be honest it’s not really punishing them as much as it is me.  See when I do petty stupid stuff like that it just hurts me, it keeps me from relationship with others.  God put us together to work on things, he wants us to build each other up, to help each other, to be a part of each others lives.  We were made to have fellowship with God sure, but we are also made to want to hang out with other people.  When we pull away from the people God has given us we are not doing what he wants. 

Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.

Peterson, E. H. (2005). The Message: The Bible in contemporary language (Heb 10:24–25). Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.

How can you spur me on if I’m not haning out with you, even if it is on Facebook? 

So what does my title mean?  I am again waiting to hear from a church that I have gone the distance with in the interview process.  I really believe that this is what God has for us.  I believe with everything in me that I’m the one that God want’s to be there…But I’ve been here before, and as the days move on and as I don’t hear anything I realize I’ve been here before…The cool thing is if it’s not what I thought it was if I have not really heard or felt or whatever it is you want to call it from God this time.  I still get to work with some pretty awesome people at the church, the girls still get to be poured into by people who love them in addition to us, we as a family still get to minister.  I’ll be bummed out but not counted out if that makes sense.  

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