Fresh Air

Much has happened since my last post.  God is moving in some interesting ways in our life, and in mine in particular, we started volunteering in Powerhouse at our church, the girls have been growing much faster than I want them to, we went on vacation to Florida and did what we usually do which means we packed way more into our days there than we should have.  Typical Newell family life.  The blog has been siting here catching dust for a long while.  I thought it may be a good idea to get back to it today,  The sun is shining, it’s a pretty warm day out.  I have pulled down the plastic from the windows and thrown them open to allow some much needed fresh air throughout the house.

Ah fresh air.  Nothing cleans out a space like fresh air.  All winter long we clean, we try and catch up on the things that have to be done.  We scrub floors, and vacuum carpets, do the dishes and well you  get the idea, all the stuff that has to be done to make a house clean, many times we will even choose a cleaner that has a scent to it, a way to fake out or minds and noses, making them think that things are fresh and clean and great.  We cover up the stale air with a manufactured freshness…

Which of course brings me to the point .  Much has happened over the last five years in our lives.  There have been highs and lows, really low lows.  If you need a refresher well you know what to do for that.  Most of it is pretty much here and if it’s not well I’ll probably get around to putting things up again at some point.  The thing is a couple of years ago I really thought that something was going to happen.  I thought God was going to open this certain door and that it was going to be everything that I wanted it to be.  Ah but you see I wasn’t really there yet, too much had gone on and we were still working through the illness that almost took J away.  God was still in this process of breaking me apart and teaching me what it really means to be not just a person with a calling but a box of Lego’s that are placed into his hands to be built into something best suited to the place He has for us.

I almost feel like I was in that place where I was doing all the right things, but I was using the cleaning supplies that had the fresh scent.  Still trying to mask hurts, and pains,  trying to prove to God and myself that I really believed the truth that he had spoken clearly into my heart when J was in the hospital.  I knew what he said but I really didn’t KNOW what he said, maybe it’s better to say I really didn’t KNOW what he meant.  I was doing all the right things, but I wasn’t opening the windows and doors to let the fresh air in.  I had a manufactured freshness, doing all the things I was supposed to, saying all the things I needed to say.  Spending time reading and praying.  Going to church, blogging my thoughts.  I wasn’t faking my relationship with God but I was fooling myself into thinking that I had really allowed the process to be fully implemented.

Spring cleaning is more than just a good wash down of all that is in the house.  Many times we do that during the winter, the difference with spring cleaning is the fact that suddenly the fresh outdoor air can blow through the house, taking with it the dead stale air that has been sitting there since some where October.  I needed to get to the point where the windows and doors were opened and the fresh air could get in, blowing out all the stale, manufactured fragrance, replacing it with something that is the unmistakable sureness of being in the palm of God’s hands, the realization that as I push further into him, and as I spend more time being open to whatever he has, my life will not just be one lived in that permissive area of his will but in the perfect one.

Do I know exactly what that is at this point.  I think I have an idea but as we all know our ways are not his ways and our thoughts are not his thoughts.  So I will wait and live, and move and have my being in Him, I will step back, open the windows and doors and let the freshness that only can come from God blow through my life and in so doing carry me to the place that he has set up.

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