I have been questioning not just my callings but my belief system a lot lately, as anyone that reads with even a semblance of normality can attest to quite readily.
The important thing to remember, at least I think the important thing to remember is that faith and belief are things that are rarely constant in a persons life. I know that this flies in the face of what many people with any type of religious bent be it Christian, or Muslim, or Pagan or Wiccan or whatever flavor of faith you choose would admit too. Adherents to religion as a rule are supposed to be totally sold on what it is that they have chosen to believe, I mean how can someone attempt to spread their faith and have any real success convincing that non believer that they are speaking to that what they believe is real if they aren’t totally sold to it and tend toward ra ra religion.
I have to say one of the best parts about the faith that I have chosen is the ability to question what you believe without being told by God that you have to get out of the pool it’s adult swim. I love the fact that Jesus would talk to people, every day people. That he would be a friend to sinners, that he would meet in secret with a member of the opposition, and yes even that he would have an extended chat with his biggest challenger to the throne on high. Christianity, true Christianity, not the stuff that so many famous or infamous as it were people push, I mean the kind that looks you in the eye and asks if you are being more like Jesus, if you are reaching your fellow human being with what really matters, instead of reaching for your VIsa, or Mastercard or whatever can be summed up in my title.
See I’ve been questioning much in the past five years, my calling, my faith, my gifting’s, all of it, and what I realized today is something that a bear taught me. A bear with baloney and an orange. This bear taught me that just because the church, or the board, or the elder team, or yes even Aaron himself feels God’s done with him and that he has nothing to give back, nothing else to share and no one else to pour into doesn’t mean that’s really the case. Sometimes it takes baloney and an orange and the belief and care of a bear to make you realize that you still have great worth to God, that you can still be relevant and useful to the God that called you in the first place, and that it may not look what it used to look like, and it may not be any where near where you had planned for it to be, but that isn’t really the point.
What I learned was this, if a bear can share his orange with someone it doesn’t even know just because that’s what it should do, I can share the truth just because that’s what I should do. I may be having questions, I may be mad at God, I may not really see how it’s going to make a difference, but who cares, it’s the right thing to do. It’s right to tell people that it’s not enough to “give Jesus a chance” It’s not right to just try God out. It’s more important to live like Jesus did, to act like we really care about our fellow mortals, to give and love and laugh and cry and share. To show people that a life lived without faith, is a life that will be sadder, and darker and more painful than a life lived with the determination that while I only see things like I’m looking through a dirty plate glass window one day the grime will be dissolved and while it may not all make sense, at least we’ll be with the one that can bring some clarity.