Summer in the Newell house is not really our favorite time of year. Sure there was a time when we enjoyed Summer, there was a time that things in the Summer were fun, we were working in ministry, we were doing camps and planning Fall retreats, and enjoying life. We had cook outs, and planned missions trips and went on vacations. One summer we even had a first Summer with our first child, that was pretty spectacular. Birthday’s were fun we celebrated our anniversary, actually celebrated it, Summer used to be fun, summer used to be something that we looked forward to.
I’ve always been a person that loves camp. I think camp is one of the most important parts of growing up. Kids need a camp experience, and parents need the time to reset after several weeks of kids all over the place under foot. Camp was the thing that I loved to do, I loved planning camp, teaching spotlight sessions, working with students, time around the altar, leading worship, planning Smash Hour and then Tribal Council. I still have the packets from Camp in the NWD. Later I really enjoyed planning Extreme camping adventures with my students, taking them white water rafting, and cave exploring and spending time in God’s creation, teaching and exploring some of God’s truths. Two years at Summer music festivals, one year with Amberly as a little baby, we even spiked her hair.
The thing is Summer is supposed to be enjoyable, and it so rarely is for us any more. In fact we actually hate Summer, at least I do. It seems that once May June and July roll around things get harder instead of easier, they don’t slow down and lighten up, on the contrary they actually get more intense, and we have to really plod through it.
We were really hoping that this Summer would be a good Summer, a pleasant one, take some trips, enjoy our kids, spend time together, even with J pregnant it still had potential, alas this was not to be. From my journey through the wilderness back in June, to Summer school with the Turtle ( don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful to God for allowing me to work Summer School) it just hasn’t been all that pleasant.
So much of my life seems to be doing what has to be done, or doing what others want me to do, or doing what no one else wants to do. I get it though, as a man that is trying desperately to be more like Christ, I am learning the concept of becoming less and less so He can become more… Still I am human and there are times that my selfish genes kick in and I want to do what I want to do or even what I was told was going to happen.
In just a few more weeks I will be teaching at Immanuels, then comes the worst part of the wait in this whole endeavor. See up until now I have been very sure that things were going to go a certain way, I have really felt that God was in this and that He was opening the door. I still feel this way but there is this specter that looms large in the background of Aaron Land that says it’s just going to be another ray of hope that ultimately goes down the tubes, it’s scary how much I really am wanting this. I keep telling myself and other people that I’m going to be okay with whatever happens, that God is in control, and while I know this in my heart, and even in my head I really am building myself up with this one.
A few blogs back I wrote about embracing the idea that Paul put forth when he said he had learned to be content at all times. I am still working on that one and I know that if God isn’t taking us to Immanuel’s there’s a reason.
Still it would be awesome to end a Summer of Blues with a return to full time ministry. Who knows whats going to happen I guess we wait and see.
See you around the blog oh and look for chapter three or is it four later on tonight.