Greetings dear readers, I must apologize for my LONG absence. I have started several different posts, I’ve logged into WordPress and just stared at the blank page, attempting to will some words onto the screen. I’ve had things to say but just couldn’t seem to make them make sense. I’m still not sure I can, however I’m hoping that this will break the dam that has been keeping the words fuzzy. Anyway on to my title. I recently celebrated a birthday that took me three years away from 40. This is not one of the easiest things to deal with but hey you live with it, it happens to everyone.
So why the strange title. My age is starting to show and as much as I want to deny it well it’s just not true, I am getting older, I won’t say I’m getting old, but older works for me. What are the road signs you ask? Here they go in order of appearance.
A horse named Charlie: A couple nights ago I was woken from a dead sleep as was J with a wrenching pain in my leg. I never really understood why people would complain so much about this phenomenon, and if you have never experienced it, well just be glad. I came up off the bed into a sitting position, and while I won’t admit to screaming like a little girl I will admit to a deep manly scream the likes of which would make one wonder what was wrong with me. I would like the horse named Charlie to know he can stay in his stall or roam in other pastures or do anything but invite me for another ride. However if I am to understand correctly this is not a promise said horse can make me, and as I get older it is very likely that he will once again invite me for a trot around the bedroom.
A man named Alice:
Sunday afternoon/evening I was able to head over the Merrieweather Post Pavilion for a concert that had among others, Alice cooper. Great show, I love his music, and the theatrics that he puts on just are really cool. I had a great time sang along, pumped my fist in the air, jumped around a little, basically acting like I was 17 years younger than I really am. What made me realize my age however was the median age of people going to hear him. Most of the people that were there for his portion of the concert had hair that was getting gray and bodies that were sliding down the slope toward, well the best way to explain it would be comfortable. Even worse was the realization that if I didn’t shave my head on a regular basis I would either look older than I am due to a definite lightening of the hair, that is if I still had much of my own since when it does start to grow out I realize how little of it I would have left. I decided a while ago that when my hair got to a certain point I would just shave it off and be the master of my own hair destiny. Surprisingly I have a head that looks okay bald.
A boy named Aaron goes along with the man named Alice part of the story. Track with me here for a moment, not wanting to go to the concert alone, J is not into cooper or zombie, I took a guy she teaches with and yes ironic as it seems his name is Aaron. Age realization hit when he got in the car and we started listening to music and talking, then when we were at the concert it just continued. No real clue about Alice, when the midget wrestlers came on he wanted to be right up on the apron of the ring, basically it was just really hard to believe this kid, who is 13 years younger than me had no idea about some things. I am really into music and I came to the realization that I was old when it bothered me that he didn’t know the name to a Zombie song he “loved” Aaron FYI it’s DRAGULA not DRACULA.
The next day was even worse, everything sounded like it was being filtered through a bunch of cotton, and I couldn’t talk. Jumping around screaming my head off at 37 is much different from jumping around and screaming my head off at 18 or 20. Did I have a good time yes, would I do it again yes, however I may end up not singing along as loud or as much.
The thing is I don’t really feel old, and I don’t necessarily think I am, for the most part. It’s just when I hang out with and do things that are supposed to be done by much younger people that I feel out of sync.
I have no idea what this actually means, I will try and figure it out and let you know, once I know.
I have been living life and remembering and going through the past for a long time now. I try and get away from it but it always sneaks up on me, like some bad horror movie monster. I love scary movies and usually laugh at them, I’m trying to do that now, it’s funny though I’m just like the stupid girl in the nightgown that hears a noise in the basement and goes down to investigate without turning on any lights. I fall for the monsters tricks far to often and end up bleeding emotions on the floor of my mind. Do me a favor, if you are into it, and if you have the ability to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I know that there is something out there for me, something that God wants me to do. I know what I am, what I was made to be, I just don’t always see how to get there. As the Horse and the Man and the Boy go back and forth in my life I wonder if there really is a place for an old guy that just wants to serve and pour into a group that needs loved and built up and taught how not just to be followers, but how to be relevant followers.