I have started at least five different blog posts in the past two weeks.

The thing is I really like to write, I like to hear that people like to read things. The real problem is it’s not that easy to write lately. So much is happening some of it good some of it bad most of it frustrating.

The girls are fine. J’s health is not where we want it to be and I am feeling this huge disconnect from the human race. I sometimes feel that I am looking at myself through a window it’s like there is this part of me that is cheering the me that it sees on.

Yea it’s confusing for me too. J and I have both said we would like to not have to make decisions and wow do I say that big time. It was so much easier when the decisions were made for you. When you were able to blame it on someone else if things went wrong, alas that is no longer the case.

So whats it mean, is Aaron having a crisis of belief? Has he given up on the faith of his youth and decided to branch out? Has he angered God and is he being punished for it? Or is he sitting outside the city in a pile of rubble scraping his skin and throwing dust on himself waiting for some friends to come and tell him what a horrid person he is?

Lets take the questions one at a time.

  1. The whole crisis of belief thing… I wouldn’t call it a crisis just a hey yo God you could lighten up a little bit moment. I still believe in God, and I am sure he believes in me as we have had our share and your share of character building.
  2. Branching out… no I’m not branching out. So many times when a person does not spout the right rhetoric, or vote for the right person, or hate the right people because hey we are Christians and we are supposed to show “righteous indignation” bla bla bla we like to label the person as giving up their faith. I have not given up on the faith of my youth. I am just growing in it and it’s not the way that some people think it should grow. The thing is I really don’t care much if my faith and belief in God looks like yours does, or like any other Christ Followers faith. I am supposed to work out my salvation with fear and trembling… I’ll work out mine you work out yours we don’t have time or the ability to do it any other way.
  3. The whole anger God thing… Who hasn’t I don’t mean to say that I think God is up in Heaven waiting to squash me when I mess up. I just think that it’s no so much making God angry as it is disappointing him, and I’m sure I have not cornered the market on that one. I think we all do. The best thing about God and the relationship that I have with Him is the fact that His grace and His ability to look at my mistakes and be sad and want me to change do not mean he is angry, besides for me it’s not angry that bothers me, it’s knowing that I have been any kind of a disappointment to anyone, especially to God.
  4. The Job thing… Well I’m not reading Job. Actually making a concerted effort to stay out of Job as that is too cliche’ to be honest. I used to read Job and Jeremiah when things got difficult, I may even throw in a little lamentations for good measure. This time however I am staying in the Gospels and Psalms. Go figure.

So there you have it the questions answered to the best of my ability.

We are facing things that i never thought we would face, and yes there are times when I wake up and just don’t “feel” God right next to me. So pray for us. I am not asking for goose bumps or anything. I have one simple request and I know that God can grant it.

Fix her…

One response to “What

  1. In your 2nd point there, you’re showing much more forgiveness and/or tolerance of the people who take that self-righteous, hateful attitude than I’ve usually been able to manage. Anyone looking at Jesus’ example with open eyes can see that those people are not even close to aligned with what Jesus would do, though they may claim — and even believe — that they are. Jesus wouldn’t accept most of the things that these hateful people do. He’d have sat down and eaten with the “sinners”, just as he did in the old days, instead of condemning them. The people for whom he showed contempt were the falsely religious, those who would religiously mislead, and those who would take advantage of the religious for gain. In other words, he would have condemned the “Christian right” — whose idea of what it means to be Christian strays very far from Jesus’ teachings. He would have spoken out against their rash mixing of politics and false religion.

    I’m not saying that I’m following precisely in Jesus’ footsteps myself. But it would be hard to be further from the path than those wrongly self-righteous, hateful folk who so unfailingly claim to be “good Christians” while looking down their noses at anyone who doesn’t attend their churches or support their misinterpretations, misrepresentations, and fabrications about what Jesus said and did. These are the people who — when presented with a re-translation of the Bible that goes back to older (and more credible) sources than the KJV used — reject its differences from the KJV because they have grown attached to the errors. Jesus would have been thoroughly displeased by what is claimed in his name. Theirs is the same sort of error against which he spoke out.

    If they worry that you are straying from their religion, that may well mean that you are doing a relatively good job of following Jesus’ example.

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