Field day’s the world over have this time honored tradition, and when I was planning camps in the NWD we usually had some form of it ever a huge mud pit or something similarly muddy. Whats it got to do with today, well we are in a tug of war.
Last night things were good. I am sure you read the post and I’m sorry for being behind today, didn’t sleep too well last night.
They were going to take the tube out today, however because J’s kidneys are so bad and the cretin number is so high they are now going to do the dialysis that they have been holding off on for the past few days.
Oxygen level dropped and they had to turn it back up, so for the foreseeable future the tube is in, they are going to try and ween her off of the breathing tube and such but the dialysis is a set back. Her kidneys have to start working and they are hoping that if they clean things out with the dialysis and continue to pump in the fluids they will jump start i guess is the best way to say it.
They are defiantly going to do a biopsy at some point of the mass on her adrenal gland and they definitely want to take that out, we just have to get her better and we have to get her kidneys okay before they will do that.
23Jesus said, “If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.”
24No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, “Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!”
I am trying to not have if’s but it’s getting harder and harder to do. I fell like we hear some good news and I get my hopes up and I get your hopes up and then there are things that pull those hopes down. I am praying this help my doubts but I’m also asking all of you to pray, I know it’s rather silly for me to think I have to do that, I know you are but today when I went to grab my shower and just walk around I was banging my fists on the door of Heaven again. I am trying so hard to keep the positive side of things as others want to keep the negative or can’t see much but the negative but when I’m alone and walking around I see the looming specter of a life without the most important person in my world. I see having to explain to my girls why mommy isn’t coming home. I see all of these things and I yell at God and I scream inside and feel so helpless. I can’t do anything but pray and cry and pray and cry and entertain. I think thats whats so hard in all of this, I know that people need to be able to come and feel that they are a support and feel that they are helping but I wonder if they recognize that it’s a strain to have to entrain them, to try and not hurt their feelings, to try and let them go see her and not tell them to get away go home and read the blog and get the occasional call. I hate having to play the host in a hospital waiting room while my wife lays on a respirator in a room in an induced coma.
So again please pray, fill in the gaps of my prayer as they are big and looming in my heart and in my mind.
- Last night she was out breathing the respirator (good thing)
- Oxygen level dropped (not good thing)
- Kidneys are bad so they are doing dialysis (bad thing)
- They want to biopsy the mass on her adrenal gland (scary thing)
- My normally engaging personality that is full of good will is starting to wear thin (BAD thing)